and just let me be

i don't know whats got into me, all i care is, i know what im doing, i know what i want, and i know where i want to go.
loving someone who doesn't love you once, and living in someone's lie has got me into this. i don't really believe in gold anymore,
i don't believe in everything that shines.
you know you can always learn from problems that comes to you, and this is what i have learnt.
i know i may be wrong, i may be insane, and being totally non sense but i know what im doing.
i will follow my heart, and a little bit of my head, i'll go whenever i want to go, i'll do whatever i want to do
and collecting stories and experience to tell to my kiddos and grand daughter some day.
its gonna be one hell of a stories.

thanks for caring and warn me when to stop and be sane, but i know i will never stop unless i want to.
you all know, i will always do what am gonna do, and i will never stop just because a thousands people have warned me.
i will never.

i will never elevate this, not now. this is my life and just please let me be..

i don't want to be alone tonight

i don't want to sleep alone tonight. i want you to be there, just to watch me sleeping, i want to feel you beside me, near me, touch me, feel me.
i want you to sing me a beautiful lullaby, bed time stories, whatever i don't care.

don't think just do

maybe i am crazy, but having this huge huge curiosity won't kill you, even if it does, at least i'd die trying, and it won't be useless.
i wanted to run with you, no promises that i would stay for a long time, but that's not impossible. maybe, just maybe.
meanwhile, we could be happy, we could make each other laugh and embrace the moment we'll share.
this is madness, but forget about how we were, lets just close our eyes, let them be blur, and be crazy, be ridiculous, be spontaneous, be wild, we only live once!

somehow, everything i own can be the smell of you, i can be your smell for a while. we can hide from them, while we hug each other. we will survive, we will, my dear. as long as you won't be afraid.
life is suppose to be free, to be bold and to be fun, just break the rules people have made for all this time, lets live in our own world, where there are no rules.

we can run, we can chase the sun, sleeping under the moon, and kissing under the stars.
dont think, just do...

more than anything i want..

dont think just do..

so long..so long..

now its all done. after a very long useless journey, we both decided to end it. well, the idea was from him and i agreed.
its not that i don't love him anymore, its just that i have to do it, otherwise we'll run over the same circle and the story will
remain the same.
i cried for the goodbyes, i cried for the happy moment we'd shared together, i cried for us, i cried for the laughter and all.
guess, this is the time where we should walk separately.
i'm sad because i have to face the day without him, but im not afraid.
i know, i am sure that i will be ok. it might hurt a little bit, but i'll get over it.
well, i dont think for another relationship or guys, no. i just wanna be with myself and appreciate myself a little bit more.

we both deserve to be happy. so if its the best way, then be it.

thank you for everything, and thank you for the best memories. i mean it. :)
so long my dear friend,..


xoxo
d

a fool for love

you know, surprisingly, when it comes to love, even the smartest person can turn into a fool.
i amazed how love can blinded our mind and block our system. and we use feelings as our excuse
and from that, comes the denial part.
a friend of mine, she is trapped in a triangle of love . she's in love with a married man.
she knows that that is wrong, but she couldn't find away to get the hell out of the relationship.
she tried to find some good excuses to stay, and find it hard to let it go
good god, she is like the smartest person ever, and look at her now, she is such a fool for love.

and me, i always think that i'm such a fool for love, but i can give you a very smart and rational advice
and when i have to do it, i just cant. it seems like our brain and our heart can't work together.
maybe that's love. love is fool, love is blind, love is not meant to be understood by brain.
its something that only feelings and heart can handle.

shitty i know, how we wish we can control love and our heart.

something something

i don't want to dramatized things, between you and me, but i can't help it but to let my mind wanders around.
i don't wanna make a fuss about it, labels, status, or whatever it is. all i know is, you are here, but there's something that makes me question myself and question you.
how long are we gonna be like this? playing innocent and playing no commitment tricks?
which im getting tired of it.
i know where im standing, but then, i know, there's a lot of unwritten or unspoken rules that i cannot break and cross.
and that's exactly the problem.

You said that we are no longer an item, we are not a couple who's carrying a commitment in our shoulder. But we're still doing things that an item would do.
And it makes me question myself, am i allowed to go out with other guys? or are you?
am i walking in the same path like you? is it worth it? or its just a waste of time?is it gonna be ok if we date another person? And neither of us talked about that.

are we afraid of the answer? because the answer either will keep us even closer, or make us scared to keep doing this.
because honestly, this is confusing and i dont like being confused. i just dont know what to do.

well, if i stay, will you come back to me? and if not,then what are we doing here? why would we spent our time for nothing?

could you please tell me what do you want?

D

note

fact

i miss you too much last night

it was hard for me to get into sleep because i miss you too much it makes me wants to cry, and i did.
i cried because i wish you were there with me, and how i realize that i need you around me, you make me feel safe whenever you are around. and i hate the fact that i have to face such a lonely night without you there beside me.
i may sounds weak, but i never knew i could miss you the way i missed you last night.
i thought im strong, well at least stronger since the day you left me, but turns out, i am not. i miss you and i just cried wanting and hoping that you were there with me last night, just to hold me close so i can fall asleep..

now i know how i feel about you, i suddenly realize . and i will stop pretending.

:)