there's a thousand hint for all this time

i've ignored the hints he had given me.
simple thing, when we made love, he never seems like he's really into me. he was just focus on the sex, its totally different.
when we were together, i can tell that he's into me, but after all the rocky road we've been through, he's just changed.
and its obvious. i was just too stupid to ignored all the signs.

i should've known that he wasnt that into me.
i should've known.

1st night

welcoming me to the new place. alright, its all settled and done. im on my own now. no more him, no more sleeping around his stuff, no more his face in the morning.
i should be happy for this shouldn't i? it makes it easier for me to move on, but turns out, its the opposite way. i hate it.
i feel weak, i feel tired, i feel like i don't know where i'm going, i know, this is not going to be like this forever, but right now, thats just how it feels.
i miss him, i miss us, i miss the old me when i was with him. i was like the happiest person, always smiling, always happy no matter what happen.
i just smile whenever im with him.

and now, look at me, all sad and gloomy, and i hate the mask im wearing now. i hate pretending that i am fine, because im not!
but tell me, what can i do to change this? i can do nothing. i won't change his mind. nobody will ever change someone's mind unless they want to. i've done all i can. im sure i did. does it change the situation? no.

i don't know how long its going to last? i dont know when will i finally moving on..
no promises, but the only thing that i can do is enjoying the pain and let my tears falls down
no denying, no more pretending...
i believe time will heal.
but lord knows how i love that guy, how im still longing for him.

and i have to get use to this now. i should be over you. and enjoying my empty space.
sooner or later everything will be ok, yes?

well, i hope so.. :)

sleep alone

i dont like it but i don't have any other option. its just the emptiness and this single bed and single moon.
meanwhile i know you are happy somewhere, and i admirer you who can get thru this easily
way too easy. oh wait , its because you are the one who let me go, and you are the one who just walk away

good for you, you dont have to wear my shoes. you don't feel sad or empty or even left behind,
you don't miss me the way i missed you. so yeah sure its easy for you.
then im getting sick and tired missing you like hell, when you don't even care about me.

how unfair is that huh? well, correct me if im wrong, but its always easy for them who's left, not the one who's been left.
i wish i could sing no regret, i wish i could be the one who left you. i wish i never met you.

i wish i never met you. so i dont have to be like this. a broken hearted lady, who's trying to survive every single day.
i wish i was bad to you and our relationship. i wish i wasn't that into you.
so i could just play you like a yo-yo just like what you did to me.

im sorry, but i do regret it. i regret the day i let you step in to my life.
i regret the day i fall for you, i regret i ever trusted you.
i regret every moment of it.
i regret you.

now im just gonna sleep alone, and smile .
goodnight moon...
hope you are gone by the time i wake up in the morning

d

you and me

oh!

lets..

please learn to love me

and im telling you..
im telling you everything i need to say
and yet i'm surprised how im living in your lies
and you let me

didn't i tell you that my love is real
it's not something you can play with
... no no no way

i should've hate you
please don't go
i don't wanna be broken hearted
it hurts but i love you enough to
forgive and forget

i didn't know where to turn to
and i cant see some way to forget you
try to love me, just try it
give it a chance, you can learn
i know you can..

.. im kneeling and begging you
please learn to love me

i want to fall in love!

ahh i miss the feelings, i miss having someone to share the love with, i want to have someone to think about.
i know, sometimes its good when you are loveless, when you don't have anyone to think about, but somehow i miss it!
i miss the butterflies, i miss the sparks, i miss the giggle, i miss all the feelings! and maybe i miss the drama.
i love being in love, i like it! i love love!
when will my time come? when when oh when? when will i met this guy? the guy who can make me smile all the time,
someone who can make me dance without music, someone to call my lover!

wheeeen??

wishes for today! tuesday ! tuesday!

so many wishes , oh so many wishes .
i want this i want that and i want all of them
i wanna wake up in the morning seeing your face,
i wanna laugh with you in the morning
i wanna smile with you before we leave the bed


i wanna call you in day time just to let you know how i feel
i wanna day dreaming about you
i wanna have lunch with you in the corner
laughing giggling and kissing


i want to open the door and seeing you there
run the hot water and share stories with you
i wanna to curl with you under the blanket
whisper to you how much i need you

and say goodbye to the moon with you ..


amen

is it worth it?

the more people tried to warn me not to do it, the more i want to do it, the more i wanna get it! i know i know i know,
i blame myself even more, and i tried to stop but i just can't. if you know how, please do tell me because i'm stuck.
i don't care about the other things anymore, i dont care about the physical stuff, or else, i can bear with it. i can take it.
i know its even crazier, i can't believe myself either, because i know its not gonna be easy. never.
our different path, and background will give us a very huge distance. but its written in the melody, i care about him.

and i know i will. and im not gonna try to change him. not even a bit, well maybe for some small things :p

i know realize that i will never get an approval for this.

i have to fight